I’ve been struggling a bit lately and because I don’t believe in giving them room to breathe—and thus fester and grow—it will be in list form, as concise and controlled as possible. Some people find it easier to talk things out until it’s all in the open; however, I find that in doing so, I spiral out of control. More and more things start coming out until it is all I know. Two metaphors that I can use to describe it is a forest fire and Pandora’s box.
- I’ve been on a low lately; I’m unsure whether it’s here temporarily because these lows do ebb and flow in a monthly cycle, however, I am scared of the possibility that it will stay. Of course, along with all this comes anger and guilt for feeling this way abroad.
- This weekend, I will be taking a trip to Madrid… with someone that I used(?) to be close with. Lesson learned: don’t plan anything too far ahead. As hard as it is to almost dread traveling, I’m feeling a bit of that right now.
- In this new residence, with this new state of mind, it’s currently hard for me to make myself vulnerable and to reach out in order to connect with people. It’s a self-destructive cycle because I do need to reach out and feel comfortable in my residence if I need to survive the funk.
- Before this gets a little out of control, I’ll just say one more thing: I feel like I’m losing ground and connection with almost everyone here; along with the influx of new people come next semester and the loss of so many old ones, this may be a dark winter.
Has my spiral already started?
I thought it appropriate to pair this episode of “Michelle fails to be a human being” with the old Weekly Wishes… which, over here, is more like (Bi)Weekly Wishes(onlyifMishremembers).
PREVIOUSLY, ON WEEKLY WISHES…
1. Stay on top of things. This really shouldn’t have been a goal seeing as Barcelona was right around the corner. Great job of setting yourself up for failure, though! Too bad that wasn’t a goal.
2. Hold out until Thursday. I’m sorry, I take that back. This was a pretty low bar… which you reached! Pat yourself on the back, Michelle. You managed, like every other human being out there, not to stop time. But then again, unlike every other human being out there, you did accomplish what you needed to.
3. Enjoy Barcelona; I’ll let you be the judge of that Technology blackout—accomplished. Intermittently using your phone isn’t technology. It’s life blood.
ON THIS WEEK’S EPISODE…
1. Get over yourself. See: above. I want to know you’ve kicked it this time next week and have been able to maybe do something more than marathon Dexter on Netflix. Maybe take those new earbuds out for a trial run.
2. Stay strong. I see some challenges this weekend, understandably. Stay strong throughout and maybe do a little confrontation—after traveling solo, how bad can this be?
3. Create a schedule… and then start it after this weekend… See? I’m learning from my mistakes. I’m allowing myself until after coming back from Madrid to get on top of my shit. That’s good, right?
Linking up with Melyssa today!