To The People That Always See Me At My Worst

Someone on my Facebook feed recently wrote about a conversation she had with an Uber driver about how awkward she is.

Him: “How are you awkward, you seem like a down to earth girl.”
Me: “Oh I’m cool as shit, but I’m awkward as fuck.”

And that’s totally me! (I know that I’m violating the humble laws of the blogging world, but just roll with it)

I always thought that “cool as shit” and “awkward as fuck” were mutually exclusive… but they’re not. And occupying that middle space in the Venn diagram is giving me a complex.

You see, I’m a totally different person at work than I am with friends. I’m a totally different person with friends as I am with family. It’s just the way I work for some reason.

I’ve been lucky enough for the past year to work in environments where my friends were my coworkers because of the fields or industries I was in. Working in the service industry means that your coworkers are your family. Similar rule applies to non-profits.

But when it comes to actual corporate life? That rule doesn’t apply for some reason.

I’m not saying that I haven’t tried to branch out and make work friends… but, well, you’ll see in the following letter why it won’t work out:


Dear person,

I’m sorry that I’m saying this, but I don’t think we should try to be friends anymore. You are a cool person! I know that from all the other friends we have in common. In fact, we’re both cool people, which makes it hard to understand why this doesn’t work. Some things just aren’t meant to be, I guess.

Oh, you’re asking me WHY I placed a fork in our path when there was no previous fork? Well, let me tell you.

It’s because I’m always eating.

What, you don’t think humor should belong in a letter like this? See, you’re making it weird again. Stop it.

I know that we’ve only known each other for a very short time, but you’ve seen too much. And not in a good way, the way friendships form. You’ve just been seeing all the wrong parts, the parts where I don’t feel like myself and would rather you not think were part of my day-to-day personality. You’ve been seeing Awkward Michelle.

I know it looks like I never have my shit together or that I’m always spilling something over myself, but I swear that this is a RARE OCCURRENCE. You just… seem to ALWAYS be there as a witness.

Like that time we were trying to get my computer set up and I knocked over my mug FULL of coffee, and then sat there, stunned for a few moments, before you offered to get some paper towels for me. In that nice way with an undercurrent of oh my god you’re completely incapable. 

Or that time I made a joke and we both watched it sail away, over your head. You reached for it, but it was too late.

Or that time we were attempting to talk and all my sentences were just not working the way they should work. And then I ended up laughing at a joke I finished in my head.

Or that time I had nothing to say to you but it was so quiet and everyone around us was talking, so I casually asked if you often ate Chinese food and you reciprocated the question and then our conversation ended. We were at a Mexican restaurant.

To everyone else, we’re perfectly normal people. We each have our set of friends and are able to laugh and cry like normal people do. Put us in the same room together and we’re robots, learning how to interact with people for the first time.

This is even weirder because when we first met, there was none of this awkwardness. Things were exactly the right amount of awkward for two people that had never interacted before. We scrounged around for topics and landed on something we had in common and said as much as we could about that topic. And then we promised that we would continue sharing this cool thing we had in common!

And it’s supposed to get better from there.

But it didn’t.

It got worse.

How do interactions get MORE awkward than the first meet?

You must feel the same way, right? I’m sure these conversations made more of ellipses than mispronounced words haven’t really been the highlight of your day either. And I’m sure no one else wants us to be friends either; it’s painful to watch.

Maybe we’re both trying too hard. Like anything, you can’t really force it.

I hope there’s no hard feelings. And I secretly hope that by declaring this friendship over before it really began, that we relax a bit and maybe we’ll become less awkward.

Love,

Michelle

Are there some people in your life like this?

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  • http://www.crumbsinthebed.com/ Kerri

    Ahh, the missed joke. It’s a bad one. You can’t be friends with someone that misses the joke.

    I actually find it really hard to befriend people when there’s no common interest between us, so most of the time, I just don’t befriend people.

    • http://mishfish13.com/ Michelle @ Mishfish13

      Haha exactly! It’s too painful a hurdle to overcome.

      And I’m starting to think I’m the same. It’s so energy-draining and blahhh. Maybe it’s better I keep to myself haha ;)

  • http://westdateseast.com Autumn Ashbough

    Yeah, your people have to get the joke and without explanation. Always.

    I’m generally considered a capable person. But I have this one sister-in-law…whenever she’s around, my well-trained dog goes berserk, my husband turns on the broiler and burns my usually perfect bread, and then she sees me beat him with an oven mitt in what was supposed to be a private moment…

    You know what I mean, right? DON’T MAKE ME EXPLAIN IT.

    • http://mishfish13.com/ Michelle @ Mishfish13

      Yep. It’s like being 1 of 2 people that laugh in a crowd and realizing that you found someone!

      Hahaha I GOT YOU AND I EMPATHIZE WITH IT. That’s what the cool kids are saying these days right… ?

  • http://www.wandererandwolf.com Caitlin

    I love everything about this post! I’m pretty sure we’re on the same wavelength, you and I (I’ve also spilled coffee all over my computer and sat there staring at it). I’m 100% “cool as shit, but awkward as fuck.”! However, the best part of being awkward is as weird as the moment is, you always have great stories for later!

    xx, Caitlin
    http://www.wandererandwolf.com

    • http://mishfish13.com/ Michelle @ Mishfish13

      Hahaha JUST GIVE US TIME. There’s something there other than clumsiness and awkward feelings!! PS I’ve been to Detroit ONCE, but after reading your blog, I realize I missed basically everything.

  • http://adventitiousviolet.com/ Camila @ AdventitiousViolet

    hahaha oh my gosh that is hilarious. I’m definitely the same between friends and strangers and family and work, etc. It always has to be like that :)

    • http://mishfish13.com/ Michelle @ Mishfish13

      Hahah, I always thought it was a weird quirk of mine! Glad to know that other people go through the same thing ;)

  • http://www.laurenonlocation.com laurenonlocation

    Actually laughed at this! So great– but then again you always crack me up. So what if you’re awkward?! Awkward people are the most fun! And I can completely relate to this- I’m pretty damn awkward- but I try to embrace it (as much as possible that is)…. Us awkward chicks have to stick together :D

    • http://mishfish13.com/ Michelle @ Mishfish13

      Hahah, thanks Lauren :D Just gotta resign myself to being awkward and embrace the fuck out of it! Taking a page from your book ;)

  • http://www.slightlyastray.com/ Anna | slightly astray

    Hahahah, this is hilarious! And I totally get it. There are just some people you don’t “click” with and finding conversation is like pulling teeth. And then sometimes with other people it’s like you’re just friends right away and can talk about anything. I’m not sure why it’s like that. But I’m old enough now to know when I meet someone which category they go in, and if it’s the “non-clicking” kind, then I don’t really put effort into trying to force a friendship. And I feel like I”m super awkward too, but at the same time cool! Anyone who travels and do what we do is cool!

    • http://mishfish13.com/ Michelle @ Mishfish13

      Yup! It’s weird how that works because it isn’t logical at all. There have been some people that have a lot of mutual friends in common, but together, we just don’t get along, haha! Same as you, before I would put more effort into it, but now I just accept it as what it is and move on :)