Without fail, every Football Game Day, some idiot pees outside my window.
You’d imagine that so far, the parade of urinators are only men. This is not so. I have seen multiple genitalia. Enough to start making a museum of them. It’s like the universe knew how little genitalia I see on a sexual basis and decided to send these urinators my way.
It’s not that I don’t appreciate the sentiment, universe, I’d just like what I should be getting at this ripe age. I’d like to know that certain ladyparts still exist and haven’t shriveled from misuse. But I digress.
So today, when my urinator radar went off, I sighed and rolled my eyes but grew rather alarmed when they turned towards the window well.
Oh helllll no are they peeing INSIDE my freakin’ window well!
And then they squatted.
REALLY? YOU’RE TAKING A DUMP OUTSIDE MY WINDOW?
Then I saw the long hair.
Why? I mean, I’ve been there before, but do you not see the large asian face peering out from the window?
Should I just provide a neat stack of toilet paper out there from now on? A bucket maybe, to civilize things a bit?